Why You Need to Stop Comparing Yourself and How to Stop


October 9, 2019

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Since 2008, I’ve told womens’ stories through empowering boudoir sessions. Now as a certified life coach as well as a photographer, I help women cultivate radical self-love, guided by mindset. Sit back with a margarita  in hand and let's do this transformational journey together.
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Hi, I'm tami

Hands up if you have ever felt like you couldn’t hold a candle to someone else’s flame. Yup…I see your hand raised, and mine is right there with you. I think many of us are guilty of incessantly comparing ourselves to others. 

You see someone’s killer website and think, “Dang! Why can’t mine look like that!” Or you see someone’s Instagram feed and “Wish I could be living such a perfect lifestyle!” Or someone snags a gig that you really wanted and you can’t help but think, “That’s not fair! I am soooo much better than they are!”

It can be really easy to feel deflated. But you know what? 

Comparison is an inside job.

Yup, I said it. It’s all in your head. Whatever you are thinking, will then create how you feel, and ultimately create your reality. So when you compare yourself to others you are actually putting yourself down and making it harder to achieve the goals you desire. Why would you do that to yourself?

So you want to know what I think is the easiest way to nix the comparison game in the butt? 

Focus on YOU! 

Build up that inner self-confidence! Work on that “feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.” (That’s how Google defines it! Haha)

Realize this doesn’t mean you have to already be killing it in the game to, therefore, overflow with confidence. But it’s more about belief in your ability to work hard, figure things out, and take the steps that will ultimately lead to successfully attaining those goals. 

What you believe, you can achieve!

And guess what…that has absolutely NOTHING to do with what your fellow entrepreneur colleague is doing or what that girl on Instagram with 1M followers is doing. It also doesn’t result from your previous actions or results (“I did it before, so, of course, I can do it now!”). Self-confidence is something that comes from within you. It’s a result of your thinking in your brain.

When we compare, we come from a place of scarcity instead of abundance.  

When you come from a mindset of scarcity, you have in your head that there is only so much success and confidence to go around. That the people you are admiring have taken it all or that there is limited quantity left. But the truth is, they are just expressing their own self-confidence. The only thing that is holding you back from achieving those same things is your belief about what you are capable of doing. Everything you dream about or want in your life is available to you if you stop doubting yourself and holding yourself back by not believing in yourself. 

We are all different so stop comparing yourself to others.

So what are some things I recommend to boost your self-confidence and thus quiet that comparison mindset?

1. Learn and grow.

It’s okay to ask for help. Instead of comparing yourself to these idyllic people and wishing you had what they had, reach out to them or others in an area you want to grow in and see if they aren’t open to helping you grow in your path. Remember, if you are thinking from a standpoint of abundance instead of scarcity, there’s enough knowledge to go around for everyone.

2. Be grateful for what you do have.

This is something that has drastically increased my ability to achieve my goals and realize that my life is quite amazing. No one has what you have and no one ever will. And I’m not just talking about material things, but also experiences and relationships. There is only one you, so celebrate the person you are and be damn proud of it! 

Tell us your tips!

Do you have any favorite tips or tricks that help nix the comparison mindset? Let us know in the comments below so we can all help each other grow! Or feel free to email me if you want to chat it out! 🙂

PS, shout out to Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School for her abundance of knowledge that helped me in putting some of the pieces of this post together!


Comments +

  1. This is such an important blog post, Tami! It is hard to not get intimidated, overwhelmed and frustrated if we are looking at other’s who seem successful!

    I love how you empower women and keep such a positive outlook. It is great that you are adding this content to your webpage because it is authentically you. Not only are you St. Pete’s best boudoir photographer, but you are such an inspiring, encourager for women!

    P.S. The photos are the bomb here, too. Simple and the colors are just perfect!

    • tami says:

      Yay! Love hearing this, Brooke! That is definitely my goal to not only empower women in the St Pete / Tampa Bay area with beautiful boudoir photos of themselves, but to help women all over the world realize they are worthy and loved just the way they are! 🙂

  2. what an important topic to discuss. I love how you are always empowering and open about these things.

    It is so easy to slip into a place of intimidation and comparison especially when surrounded by such talented woman.
    I love how authentic this is, and how it really stresses the importance of self-confidence and why we need to stop-compairing and have self love.

    We can all stand to see our own glass half full and be grateful for what you have in your own life. You are SO right, no one has what you have, and never will!

    • tami says:

      Yay! I love that this message of self-love and ending comparison really resonated with you! You are unique, amazing, and no one will ever be you but YOU! Xx

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