What you say to yourself matters.
A lot of times it just feels like facts that you are reiterating in your head (and you feel like you have proof to back up these facts). But I’m here to let you know those mean bitchy things that you say to yourself all the time are COMPLETELY OPTIONAL. It may seem impossible to stop the callous chatter that is in your head, but keep reading because it is 100% possible to stop the negative self-talk and I’m going to tell you how.
“We drink the poison our minds pour for us and wonder why we feel so sick” – Atticus
First off, what exactly is negative self-talk?
It’s the inner dialogue you have with yourself that reinforces the belief that something is wrong with you. It’s an involuntary form of self-criticism. When you repetitively beat yourself up, you start to believe that you shouldn’t be loved + respected.
Some examples of negative self-talk are:
- I’m not smart enough
- I’m not worthy
- I’m too chubby to find a partner
- I’ll never figure this out.
- I’ll never be as good of a photographer or business owner as she is.
- I’m not successful
Many of us believe that if we give ourselves a swift kick in the arse saying these things to ourselves, then we will buck up and start producing the results we desire, but actually, the complete opposite is true. The more negative self-talk you have, the more self-doubt + shame you will actually feel and it will lead you into a downward spiral. So how can we stop this bad habit?
It starts with AWARENESS.
Oftentimes we don’t even realize we are doing it. Most of us are living on auto-pilot with these negative sentences running unconsciously in the background. It starts to become pre-programmed into our minds and we start to just think it’s a fact. We think that the only way to change things is to change our circumstances. But I’m here to tell you that it REALLY starts with changing the sentences in your mind. You can’t control the circumstances + people around you, but you CAN control your mind and that’s a beautiful, beautiful thing.
When you start to pay attention to the negative things you are saying to yourself, it creates consciousness. And when you are conscious of these mean-girl thoughts, you can transform them into more deliberate thoughts.
Take a moment to journal some of the negative things you find yourself saying to yourself on a regular basis. You might cringe a little bit at how spiteful you are to yourself, but don’t beat yourself up and double down on the negativity. You are only human. This is NORMAL and is a part of having a normal human brain. You taking this first step to recognize these thoughts is an amazing first step in the direction you want to go.
Next comes doing an AUDIT on those thoughts.
When you realize that your old negative self-talk is just an optional script, this is where the magic happens. You can choose new thoughts you want to believe. You get to create a new power thought that is based on the worthy desires that are inside of you.
Some examples of ways you can change your thoughts:
- I’m not _____ enough → I was born worthy
- I might fail → Bring it! I was made for this!
- I don’t know what I’m doing → I’m learning as I go.
- This is too much → I am capable of getting it done
- I don’t have enough time → I have all the time I need.
- I can’t do this like other people → I can do anything I put my mind to
But you may say, “Tami, this is all good and dandy, but I’m not sure I really believe those new thoughts.” And you are correct…if you don’t believe in those thoughts, you are going to keep defaulting back to the ones that you DO believe. So how do we fix that?
Go from negative self-talk to NEUTRAL.
If you could go straight from the negative thought to your ideal positive thought, then all any of us would have to do is say some positive mantras, and *poof*, we’d magically be creating the results we desire in our lives. But that’s not how it works. You need to believe in what you are telling yourself, so you may have to slowly work up the ladder from negative, to neutral, and finally to positive.
An example of creating these ladder thoughts is:
- I don’t know how to be a successful photographer
- I keep thinking that I don’t know how to be a successful photographer
- I don’t need to know the how
- I’m excited to experiment with the how
- There are successful photographers out there
- It’s fun + easy to create success in my business as a photographer
Once you find your next thought, you need to lean into it. Practice it daily. Post it on sticky notes or save it as your phone or computer background. The more you reinforce the new thoughts + beliefs, the easier it will become. Your brain has the ability to adapt, it just takes some work.
Finally, turn your desires into a DECISION.
So you’ve worked on creating newer, better thoughts, now you have to decide that the things you desire most are true for you. Just think if you believed in your own desires and started doubling down on the value you could provide the world, making more decisions consciously about how you want to show up, it’d likely mean you will get paid more and the world will also benefit more from the value you have to offer it. It’s a win-win situation. It starts with taking those desires that are deep inside of you and consciously deciding that you have the power to create your desired results in your life.
You have something extraordinary to give this world. You actually have the power to change the world. And it starts with changing your thoughts. Confident women leave legacies, so let’s fucking go!
Are you struggling with negative self-talk? Are you feeling like you can’t seem to stop bashing yourself?
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