Do you ever find yourself wondering if you could just get UNSTUCK you’d finally be able to achieve a goal you’ve been after for what seems like forever?
You’re not alone! This is something that many of us experience at many points in our lives. We have dreams of finally losing those pesky 20 lbs or creating a business that you love that also brings in a steady income or when you will finally be that “good parent” that you envisioned yourself as or finally finding the man of your dreams so you aren’t stuck for singledom for the rest of your life. Can you relate?? I’m sure you can! What I’m here to let you know is that you don’t have to stay stuck forever. Getting unstuck is definitely possible and I want to show you exactly how to do it.
Fixed Mindset vs Growth Mindset.
One of the biggest things that will keep you stuck is a fixed mindset. When you have a fixed mindset, you tend to think “this is just the way it is and the way it will always be”. You believe that your talents are limited + predetermined. “I’m just always going to be the fat girl in the room.” or “I’m always going to be struggling with money.” When you have a fixed mindset, you don’t allow the opportunity for growth. You don’t like challenges because you are afraid you will fail. It’s easier to just stay here than to possibly deal with the difficulties of growing + potentially failing. This will obviously get you nowhere really fast!
On the other hand, there is what is called a growth mindset. This is where you believe your abilities can be developed through dedication + hard work. You are ready for the challenges, obstacles, feedback, and fail because failure is how you grow. You are willing to feel the anxiety, fear, discomfort, and rejection because it’s part of success.
Most of us who feel “stuck” have a fixed mindset. We think what is will always be. But if you want to get unstuck, you will have to switch to a growth mindset. You will have to allow yourself to do the hard things and fail. But when you allow yourself these types of failures, you are failing forward. You are learning and thus allowing yourself to become unstuck.
The “What if” Dilemma.
When you are feeling stuck, you are likely asking yourself a lot of “What if” questions.
“What if I suck at this?”
“What if I embarrass myself?”
“What if I fail?”
“What if it never works out?”
Most of us tend to gravitate toward the worst-case scenario. It’s human nature to search for the bad as a way of protecting ourselves. But most of us fail to think about the best-case scenario…”What if I am really good at this?” or “What if this time around ends up far better than I could have ever imagined?” Or even when you are thinking of the worst-case scenario, do you ever truly think it through? For example…you join a dating website, but are too afraid to interact because what if there are no good men out there + you end up lonely for life while wasting your time dating idiots? So what! Worst-case scenario = you are still single after a few months, met some weirdos you didn’t mesh with, but now you have a better idea of what you are looking for and who you want to date. You didn’t die from it. And you are still better off than you would have been if you hadn’t tried at all.
Allow yourself the opportunity to fully process the “worst-case” scenario through to the end so you can realize it really isn’t that bad. Also allow yourself to contemplate the “best-case” scenario. What isn’t more motivating than thinking about something AMAZING happening and realizing that YOU have the power to create that opportunity for yourself?
Dead-end Questions vs Empowering Questions.
So let’s dig deeper into those questions that you are asking yourself when you are feeling stuck. If you haven’t realized it yet, you ask yourself thousands of questions every day. (Do I get up now or do I roll back over and sleep 5 more minutes?) Most of us tend to live on autopilot each day and, if we aren’t aware of it, we probably are asking pretty lousy dead-end questions.
Things like, “Why am I so busy?” “Why can’t I get it together?” “Why is my life so hard?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Why are people so annoying?” “What will they think of me?” Do any of those sound familiar? Do you find yourself asking yourself some of those questions? You aren’t alone! (I’ll even admit when I started writing this blog post, I caught myself asking, “What if they think this is a dumb post + that it isn’t helpful?” then I decided to switch it up to “What if I help even just one person with this blog post? How wonderful would that be?”) But if you keep asking yourself these dead-end questions, you will ultimately keep yourself stuck.
Do you know if you are asking yourself dead-end questions? The way to figure it out is these questions tend to be negative, shallow, close-minded, judgemental, and passive in nature. If your questions keep you feeling bitter + like a victim, you are likely asking dead-ended questions to yourself.
So what are empowering questions? These tend to be positive, deep, open-minded, and thought-provoking questions. When you ask empowering questions, they open up space for discovery and compassion. Instead of a “Why me?” it’s more of a “What can I learn from this?” These types of questions give us back responsibility for everything in our lives (vs blaming the world for our misfortune). It offers up the possibility to explore ourselves in new ways.
Some examples of empowering questions are:
- What am I making this mean?
- Does this thought serve me?
- How can I create what I want?
- How can I make this more fun?
- What is the solution to this problem?
- What is one thing I can do today to get me closer to my goal?
These questions aren’t always going to feel easy and they will require you to get creative. You may want to answer some of them with a “I don’t FREAKIN’ KNOW!” But you are a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for. After you say “I don’t know”, ask yourself what are some possible options/solutions to your question? I bet you have some ideas that aren’t half bad!
So with that, I want to leave you with a quote:
If you want great answers, ask great questions.” – Martha Ayim
You have a choice with the questions you ask yourself each day and what direction they will lead you in. Ask wisely. The power to live an extraordinary life comes from within you. You got this!
Is there a particular area of your life that you feel like you just can’t get unstuck from? That you want to finally see some progress with?
Sign up for a FREE phone consultation with me, your personal certified life coach, and we will chat more about how 1:1 coaching will help you work specifically with you + your obstacles!
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A special thank you to The School of Self Image, and The Life Coach School for sharing some amazing nuggets that helped me with putting together this blog post.