If you’re thinking, “Yes, I’d love to wear a little more self-confidence, but I’m not sure where to find it!” I get it! In this day and age where everyone is showing their highlight reels on social media, it can sometimes feel like you can’t compare.

You can feel deflated. But confidence isn’t something that you are just born with, it’s a skill set that you can learn and continue to keep building upon. Keep reading to learn more about how you can improve your confidence and become a bold(her) and more confident woman!

So what is self-confidence?

It’s your ability to trust yourself. Confidence is an emotion, and your thoughts create all emotions. So you have the power to create more confidence in yourself by changing up your THOUGHTS about yourself. When you start thinking like a confident woman, you will start taking action to create the desired results in your life.

How is confidence different from arrogance?

Arrogance is thinking you’re better than someone else and then trying to prove it. Self-confidence, when genuine, understands that all humans are awesome and capable by appreciating the humans that we are. Arrogance is based on fear and NOT self-confidence. 

What keeps you from being confident?

It’s the negative self-talk. Not showing up for your promises. Indecision. And an unwillingness to fail. It comes down to a lack of trust in ourselves. Our brains are programmed to see what’s wrong, so that’s what it’s always looking for. Some of the things that you may be telling yourself are:

• I don’t know how. 
• The less risk I take, the better.
• Confidence is something you either have or you don’t.
• I’m a victim and I’m damaged.
• Failure is a weakness.
• I don’t have what it takes. 
• I always disappoint myself.

This is the opposite of self-confidence. All of these thoughts create a feeling of distrust.

So how do you build up your self-confidence?

To cultivate self-confidence, you must start changing your thoughts about yourself. Create a more favorable opinion of yourself which then will create a feeling of confidence. Some ways to cultivate more self-confidence are:

1. Be willing to fail.

Your willingness to experience discomfort consistently will help you to cultivate the skill of confidence. We often want to run away from humiliation. Embarrassment. Rejection. Isolation. But this is just seeking false security and in actuality, we are just failing ahead of time. Allowing yourself to try new, scary things and understand that the emotions listed above won’t kill you, will allow you to grow forward. You’ll either produce the results you desire or you will gain knowledge and wisdom in the process (which will make you more confident the next time around). Fail often and fail faster.

2. Make decisions.

If you don’t trust yourself, how can anyone else? There is no right or wrong decision. Just a decision that moves you forward. The more you make decisions, the more you will trust yourself + cultivate more self-confidence.

3. Show up for your Commitments.

Self-confidence and self-trust go hand in hand. The more you show up for your commitments, the more trust you have in yourself. If you keep showing up for yourself, just think about how much progress you will make towards your goals. If that doesn’t get you more confident, I don’t know what will!

4. Practice Positive Self-Talk.

Again, the words you say to yourself matter! Here are some examples of thoughts that can help you cultivate more self-confidence:

• What others think about me is 100% about them.
• I was made for this!
• So what?
• The better I fail, the more confident I am. 
• Let them be wrong about you. 
• My potential is limitless.
• I don’t compare myself, ever.
• I can handle whatever happens. 
• I love showing up for myself. 

Remember, self-confidence is not about being perfect; It’s about having your own back and being proud of all of your failures and attempts to create your dreams. You’ve got this! 

All the amazing photos of me in this post are by my dear friend – Jennifer Kielich Photography

Are you interested in gaining some more confidence?

Sign up for a FREE phone consultation with me, your personal certified life + confidence coach, and we will chat more about how 1:1 coaching will help you create a unique game plan to help you become the most confident version of yourself!

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*Thank you to the Life Coach School and the School of Self-Image for the abundance of knowledge they share, which helped me put some of the pieces of this post together!