Self-Confidence is so important as it is how you build your dream life. And if you don’t know how to create self-confidence, that is what I’m here for!

But first off, what is self-confidence?

It’s your ability to trust yourself. It’s knowing that you will do what you say you will do. Following through on your plan. You aren’t born with self-confidence. You earn it for yourself by keeping your word to yourself. Many of us spend way too much time in self-doubt because we fear we won’t be able to handle what comes our way. But once you realize that the worst thing that can happen is an emotion (and that you aren’t going to die because of a vibration in your body), you can watch your self-confidence soar!

So how does it differ from arrogance?

I get asked a lot about how someone can be confident without seeming “full of themselves”. The thing about self-confidence is that it has nothing to do with anyone else! It’s just your belief in yourself. Arrogance is when you add another person into the equation and try to create a sense of false self-confidence by trying to put others down to raise yourself up. It’s based on fear, not confidence. That’s not the way to do it. When you have self-confidence, you realize that all humans are capable of being amazing. 

Where does self-confidence come from?

What you think about yourself is what generates or depletes self-confidence. A self-confident person is going to think they are good, competent, + worthy. It does NOT have to be proven or true. You just have to think it! But ultimately, how you think + feel is going to create what you do, and thus the results that you desire.

Why do I lack self-confidence?  

Most of us tend to have low opinions of ourselves. We question our ability to do things because we think we have to do them perfectly or else we run the risk of things like shame, rejection, embarrassment, isolation, etc. Instead of trusting in ourselves, we give in to the illusion of safety, security, + consistency, but really we are just failing ahead of time. Quite the opposite of self-confidence.

When you have repetitive thoughts about yourself coming up short, it will turn into a belief + what you might start to think is a “fact” (though it is truly just your opinion). When this is the way that you’ve “always thought”, you don’t realize that you have the power to change these thoughts and create self-confidence in yourself. Self-confidence is a learned skill, not an innate ability.

Some common negative thoughts that many of us tend to believe as facts are:

• Failure is a weakness.
• I don’t know how.
• I’m confused.
• The less risk I take, the better.
• Rejection is the worst thing that can happen.
• I’m a victim + damaged.
• Fear means you aren’t confident.
• Confidence is either something you have or you don’t.
• People may be upset.
• They are different, special, privileged, and lucky.

So if creating the feeling of self-confidence comes from my thoughts, what are some possible thoughts that I can practice to generate self-confidence?

• What others think of me is 100% about them.
• I love myself no matter what.
• I can always rely on myself. 
• I’m amazing.
• Bring it! I was made for this!
• I’ve got my own back!
• Fear is no big deal.
• I am capable.
• The worst that can happen is a feeling.
• I can do hard things
• I may not know how yet, but I know I can figure it out.
• My failures are just lessons getting me closer to my goals. 
• Worry only pretends to be necessary. 
• What I make it mean is the worst that can happen.

How can I cultivate Self-Confidence?

• Show up for your commitments. Trust that you can do them. The more you trust that you will show up for yourself, the more self-confidence you will have.
• Make decisions. Because when you are indecisive, it’s just an example of your lack of confidence in yourself to do the “right” thing. Quit wasting your life in indecision and just decide. 
• Be willing to fail. When you make those decisions, there’s a chance you might fail. But self-confidence is not about NOT failing. It’s about HOW you fail. You have to be willing to allow yourself to feel failure + disappointment without fear. Fear itself doesn’t prevent self-confidence, but the unwillingness to feel it does. So fail forward instead of failing ahead of time by not taking action.
• Allow yourself to feel discomfort + do it often. Remember, it’s just a vibration in your body. Doing new things is going to feel uncomfortable. That’s how you grow.
• Let people judge you. And let them be wrong about you. Their thoughts + opinions have nothing to do with you.

So I just want to conclude and say that self-confidence is practiced self-belief. Don’t allow yourself to stay feeling stuck. Keep practicing + you will gain momentum. This is the key to self-confidence + to all of your future successes.

Are you wanting to learn more about how to skyrocket your self-confidence?

Sign up for a FREE phone consultation with me, your personal certified life coach, and we will chat more about how 1:1 coaching will help you take these concepts that I blog about and put them into practice in your life!

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